I Can't say good bye
by HiddenPortrait
Summary: When someone close dies that bladebreakers are all hurt and they deal with it in different ways.
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: Ok so I haven't put up anything in AGES but I've been busy and stuff…ya know! Anyways this is a little depressing…read on! Please reply coz I don't have friends….lol!

"Tyson your aunt will be here soon" called out his mother

Tyson lay in his rooms, listening to music, "and?" he grunted out

"Tyson please!" his mother fussed

He sighed and dragged himself out.

When his aunt arrived she doted all over him

"Oh look how much you've grown!" she swept him into a hug. He smiled at her for a moment then returned to his face of complacent boredom.

"Oh sit down Fiona." His mother pushed her and her son into a chair, "please have something to eat" before them was a mountain of cakes and pastries.

"Thank-you Dianna." She smiled and took some, "how is my little nephew?"

He shrugged

"oh cheer up misery guts. I know you'd prefer to be out with your friends right now" she giggled, "how are your little friends? That nice Chinese boy was here last time I visited, how is he?"

Tyson looked up at her angrily; tears started creeping into his eyes. He suddenly stormed out. He stopped in the hall way and sank to the ground, crying silently, he could hear his mother and aunt still talking.

"What did I say?" asked Aunty Dianna quite baffled

His mother sighed, "Rei committed suicide a few weeks ago"

"oh my…how's he taking it?"

"as good as can be expected. I just don't know how to handle him right now"

"I hope none this suicide thing rubbed off on my little Tyson" cooed his aunt

"I don't know what my little boy was doing with someone like that"

"I wonder what he did to be pushed into doing it?"

"It's kids and the times. Like I said I just worry how much of it rubbed off on Tyson, I mean who knows what he said and did in front of Tyson?"

"STOP IT!" yelled Tyson, coming out of his hiding place

"Ty…" his mother looked at him

"How dare you talk about him! You didn't even know him! You didn't even know him!"

"I did too! He visited several times" she said curtly

"You didn't know though. You didn't spend the last three years of your life with him! You didn't know what he was like! He knew me better then you do! How dare you say awful things about him!"

His mother stood up, "Tyson stop it! We have a guest now behave!"

"You and her can go shove it, I hate you both. I wish you'd died and not him, atleast he was there for me!" Tyson was crying again and now ran out of the house. His mother was screaming after him.

Tyson ran and ran without even thinking. Somehow he ended up at his Grandpa's house.

"Little dude, is that you?" called out grandpa as he entered the gates

Tyson dashed over to his Pa and hugged him.

"what's wrong hommie?" grandpa had seen the tears

"I had a fight with mum" he sobbed

"come on then, sit down" they sat down on the veranda, "was it about Rei?"

Tyson nodded, "how can she talk about him? She doesn't even know him"

"She didn't mean it I'm sure"

"she did! She said that she didn't want him rubbing off on me" he wiped his face, "stupid cow."

"Your mum's probably wondering where you are" said Grandpa, knowing this wasn't so, Tyson always came here when he was upset.

"I don't care. I want to be here with you, at least you knew him" said Tyson defiantly, at least you can grieve with me he thought.

Grandpa squeezed his grandson, "lay it out for me hommie"

"I miss him" he whispered

"We all do but people leave us sometimes and it's not easy but that's what happens, all you need is time to grieve"

"No." Tyson shook his head emphatically, "When people die you know it's going to happen. Teenagers don't one day end up dead. Nobody knew. Not even Kai. Rei was never like that. I spent nearly everyday for 3 years with him, why couldn't I tell? Why didn't anyone see it?"

"Rei didn't want you to see Tyson, it's not your fault, or Max's or Kai's or anyone's" reassured Grandpa.

"People keep saying that but…it doesn't make it any better" whispered Tyson

"Your mum told me you hadn't seen your peep's since the funeral"

"I didn't recognize him, the boy in the casket. The sad face, all the life gone. I didn't know who that was. I never knew Rei did I? And I can't stop wondering about the rest of them. Do I know them or are they like Rei? I don't want them to disappear too because Rei didn't die…the Rei I knew just disappeared" no more tears came, his face has become solemn and serious.

"You'll never know by sitting on my porch" said grandpa wisely, "You can't hide in your room forever in case someone you care about leaves"

"but he won't come back. Mum left and dad and I didn't see them for ages but they came back eventually."

"Little dude it hurts I know but one day it won't I promise"

"How do you know that?" pressed Tyson

Grandpa sighed, "when you get this old hommie something's are just common knowledge."

"How many other people do you think disappear like Rei?" asked Tyson suddenly, "how many other people just disappear?"

Grandpa shrugged.

"I'm gonna just walk around" said Tyson standing.

"go ahead."

Tyson wandered the yard, every spot a memory. He came to sit on a rock by the pond. He looked at the fish swimming around and his heart sank, 'why Rei? Why did you leave us to fend for ourselves?' He wiped more tears away. He would never understand why his friend would betray him like that.

A/N: ok so I wanted to make this happy, I really did but it just turned out like this and I couldn't change it, believe me I tried! I know it's a little morbid but move on please review, I don't even mind flames


	2. Max

Max stared blankly at the page in front of him, he re adjusted himself in his seat, tapped his pen then finally sighed and gave up. He got up and wandered out of his room and into his dads shop.

"Hey Maxie, what's up?" his dad looked up from some paper work.

Max shrugged, "not a lot"

"done your homework yet?"

"most of it" Said Max sounding bored.

His dad smiled at him, "well mate why don't you go out this afternoon?"

"There's nothing to do" complained Max.

"why don't you visit your friends? You haven't seen Tyson in ages"

Once again Max shrugged, "I dunno, he hasn't come to school either."

"Then off you go and take him some homework to do"

"Yeah maybe" Max slinked off to his room.

He found all the work he'd been collecting for Tyson but had been too chicken to actually deliver. While trying to pull his backpack down from the top of his wardrobe a box of photos fell down on his head.

"This isn't my day" groaned Max as he started cleaning them up. But as he did so he remembered why he'd packed them away. They were all so sad. The ones of when his mum# and dad were together, ones of him with his friends in the USA that he had to leave behind and worst of all was the ones of his team. He couldn't stand to look at the pictures with everyone smiling, laughing, winning. Max found himself crying. He hated Rei! Rei had left them all alone with no chance of ever coming back. He missed Tyson and Kai and Kenny. How could Rei do this? He hated Tyson too. Tyson had just abandoned him, when he needed his friends the most. Max knew Tyson was upset about Rei's death but so was he! He was still here and all alone! In his anger Max sat down and pulled out some paper and started to write Tyson a letter.

_Hey Tyson, I know you're upset about Rei and everything but get over it. We're all upset about it. We all miss him. But ya know what, I'm still here! You're best friend is still here! So just do whatever you want. Max._

He put the letter in his bag. He hated Kai too. Kai had been at the funeral but didn't say a word, he didn't even cry! Kai didn't have a civil word to say to any of his team mates, just when they needed his advice and strength the most he leaves them! Proof that all he ever wanted was victory, not friendship. And finally Kenny. Kenny went to school and acted as if everything was fine but it wasn't! It wasn't fine! Their friend was dead, Tyson wasn't there, they didn't train everything was screwed up! He looked down at the photos and suddenly threw the box across his room. It made a loud thud.

"Maxie, everything ok in there mate?"

Max took a deep breath to steady his voice, "yeah fine dad, I just dropped something"

"alright, I'm getting pizza for lunch, want some?"

"Nah I'm going out" replied Max shoving something into his back pack and making for the door.

"Ok, be home by dinner got it?"

"yeah, yeah"

Once outside Max just walked in the general direction of Tyson's mums house. He stomped as he walked, he let out all of his frustration on the ground. Besides it was all the grounds fault somehow too. He held onto that feeling of anger and every time he felt it slipping away he reminded himself of the loneliness that once again consumed his day.

"If they weren't gonna stick around they should have just left me be in the first place" he growled to himself, "that way I wouldn't feel so bad now!"

Finally he arrived at Tyson's new abode. He pulled out the letter and homework and shoved it in the letter box but he was spotted.

"Max? oh it is you" Tyson's mother smiled maternally at him.

"Hello Ma'am" muttered Max.

"have you seen Ty?" she asked. Max just shook his head. "Oh" she sighed, "hows everything with you?" she really meant 'how are you dealing with Reis death?'. That's what everyone meant when they asked him how he was. He hated all that stupid pretence.

"fine" he growled, "can you give this to Tyson?"

Tyson's mother looked a bit taken back, "uh sure thing sweetie, you might be able to catch him at his grandfathers"

"good bye" Max turned and walked out.

"ah do drop by again" she attempted to be cheerful.

Max almost ran, he wanted to get away because he could feel the tears prickling his eyes. When he stopped running he was at the graveyard. He walked in and found Rei's tombstone. He sat down and leaned against it and wept. It'd been weeks since it had happened but the thought of it all still made him cry. In his heart he knew he always would. When Rei died he took everything with him. The times that had once been the best were just painful reminders that everything was lost. Everythign he had gained since coming to this country. Every single good time had been with Rei and the others.

"Did they mean nothing to you Rei? Were they just something to fill your time? Did you hate us that much that you wanted us to suffer like this? Well ya know what? I hate you Rei" he yelled at the stone, "I always will! Until the day I die and if we meet in another life I'll still hate you!"

AN: as far as I know they never actually say where he lives so I've just made it this way. Correct me if I'm wrong.

#I am Autralian so spell mum well with a 'u'. I know the show is American but ya know what I don't care. Aussies spelling is just as legitimate as American so if you have a problem with it go to hell. Hmmm…better stop before I start ranting on how everyone looks down on Aussies…..

ok so I know the likely hood of him being buried in Ty and Maxs home town are slim. In your minds your thinking 'um why isn't he buried in China where he was born and his family lives?' my answer? They accepted that Rei was happiest there besides it would have been a lot of work to get his body taken to China and his family believe now the soul is gone the body is nothing. Have a probleme? Let me know!

Max is dealing with this completely different to Tyson. He's shifting all his sadness and guilt into anger at everyone. Lets not be too harsh on him, it's just his way of dealing. I'm sure with time he might get over it. Or maybe not?

Better say: This is dedicated to Lamanth as she is the one whos lovely review convinced me to continue this. Also to my sister who is in the background at the moment driving me insane! Heh heh!


	3. Kai

It happened again. Just when he thought he was free, just when he thought he wouldn't have to feel bad. Now inside he was only cold, he oculdnt feel any more, he wouldn't feel anymore. He couldn't put his heart out on the line again.

When he first came to Japan he had been cold inside, unable to feel anything but the satisfaction that came with victory. He thought that was life, that was the only thing that existed and then…then he'd met them, the bladebreakers. Slowly, slowly he started to feel something. At first he didn't understand it, why he would feel so good at watching Tyson eat his third serve, or Max jumping up and down with excitement, or Kenny's grin of pride when the team won, or when Rei…when Rei would smile like some feral cat, it all seemed so perfect- but that didn't matter now did it? It didn't matter that all that sadness, all that pain from the past had been erased. That finally he had a family, a home, stability because that was all gone now. Now all he had left was the knowledge that nothing was different, nothing had changed, the world was just as cold place as it was when he was at the abbey and fate was just as cruel.

Kai leaned against a tree in the park, it was the last time he would ever sit here again, after all his plane left tomorrow. He only stayed long enough for the funeral because it was expected, he didn't believe in final good byes, they were made in this world. Once a person was dead they were gone, forever. He knew everyone was expecting him to stay but he couldn't. They wanted his advice, they wanted his leadership but what was he supposed to say? Rei was dead. Gone. Forever. Nothing he could say would make up for that. Besides he only ever promised to lead them into beybattles, not in life. Life was too hard on his own, let alone with other people. He was leaving pretty early in the morning, this was the last time he would ever step foot in this little town. He laughed at himself, didn't he say the exact same thing about Russia? The abbey? He promised he would never see Tala or Ian or Brian or Spencer or Boris again? That didn't work out now did it? Would life repeat itself in this respect too? No! he wouldn't let it. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me a third time and I must be braindead. It was getting late so Kai stood and walked out of the park.

He just walked, he didn't want to go back to the hotel. So he just walked around trying to think of errands or excuses to stay out. He found himself going past the reasons he wanted to leave. Grandpa's house. That's where they used to practice together. How he hated it.

"Kai? Hey hommie!" Grandpa ran out to him. Kai glared, "where ya going?"

"back to my hotel" grunted Kai

"Tysons here, you could spend the night" suggested Grandpa. Kai looked at him with frightened eyes and bolted. He has to get away, as fast as possible. He didn't want to see Tyson, the same as he didn't want to be at that funeral. He had done the same thing then. He wouldn't sit through the service, he wouldn't see the casket buried. He merely made an appearance and left. When he stopped he was at the cemetary. Rei's cemetary. On the ground there was a piece of paper, it was a letter to Tyson from Max. So Max was here. He took off as fast as he could. He couldn't face any of them. He couldn't do it.

Somehow he ended up at the park again, but it was getting dark and the park no longer looked inviting. He could feel the ghosts here, the ghosts of people who would never return. He couldn't take it so he turned around and ran.

That was when he realised what he was doing, what he had always done. Ran. He ran from the abbey, ran from Russia. He ran from people and now he was running away from the team. He was running away because he was scared of what might happen if he stayed, he was scared of getting hurt. He was doing exactly what Rei did, trying to take the easy way out. For a moment he stopped. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ticket, his ticket out of there. For a moment he considered ripping it up of staying and fighting his demons, fighting to keep all that he had worked for. But he slipped it back in and ran all the way to the hotel. He wasn't strong enough, he wasn't brave enough. Besides it was all gone anyway. He could feel his heart turning back into ice, he could feel all emotions leaving.

AN: ok so this is a bit shorted then the others, it is also more of his thought and less action but then Kai isn't a talk to people kinda guy is he? His reaction is obviously to run. He always seemed the type who'd run from his problems rather then face them. He doesn't feel he's strong enough to deal with things, to face his friends, to accept that somebody he loved left him so he leaves them. That's so sad!


	4. Kenny

"Hey dad!" Kenny said walking past the noodle shop counter

"hey Kenny….how are you?" he dad asked a little apprehensive

"good, I went to Max's dads shop today, picked up some new parts"

His dad frowned, "how was Max?"

"he wasn't there" Kenny shrugged

"and hows the rest of the team?"

"out of shape" said Kenny shaking his head

"no, I mean since Rei's death"

"oh…well it was a bad loss but we still have enough people to compete so we should be ok. It's just we've all been to busy to practice." Kenny explained, "well I've got a lot of work to do" he ran upstairs to his room.

His dad sighed, Kenny hadn't cried, he hadn't been sad, he had just moved on but in a way that was worse. He took it all in his stride and that couldn't be healthy. There was nothing logical about Rei's death, losing a friend could never just be an obstacle in your game plan and yet that was how his son acted.

Kenny dumped his bag on the floor and pulled out his new parts. He quickly got to work, he was creating a new defence system for Dragoon. It would be awesome. They would defiantly win the Championship with this improvement. Even if they didn't have Rei. After all Rei wasn't the strongest member of the team, he wasn't essential. The only problem was the rest of the team. They were so caught up with other things that they didn't have time to practice. He hadn't seen Tyson since the funeral, he wouldn't answer his calls and Max was always so morose at school. Kai had almost disappeared; he didn't even know how to contact their leader. He had to think of a way to remedy this. He knew it work out. It always did. Kai had left several times but he always came back. Even when the team was completely separated it wasn't the end, they came together again.

He reached over for a part when something caught his eyes. It was the gears system he had been making, just for Drigger. He would have loved to see it in action. Now he never would…no! That wasn't true. He'd re-do it to work in one of the others blades. It'd be better then ever! But first he needed Dragoon to fit the defence system onto.

He grabbed his bag and headed back downstairs.

"Kenny!" His dad called out to him.

"yes dad?"

"where are you going?"

"Tyson's"

"We need to talk."

"can it wait?"

"no, I really want to talk to you"

"ok" Kenny sighed and took a seat at the counter, "what's wrong?"

"It hasn't been that long since Rei died has it?"

"no not really" Kenny shrugged.

Kenny's dad sighed, "Kenny doesn't it hurt?"

"hurt? Well yeah offcourse it hurt that he didn't want to be part of the team anymore but that was his choice dad, besides it doesn't really matter we don't need him that badly"

"But Rei wasn't just a team member. He was your friend"

Kenny shook his head, "obviously not. But like I said it doesn't matter I have the rest of the team"

"Kenny! Why aren't you upset about this? You haven't cried, you haven't been sad at all."

"because it'll all be ok wont it?"

"Rei is never coming back. No matter how long you wait and none of your friends will ever be the same again. I'm not trying to upset you but you have to face it Kenny."

"It will get better dad, the guys are just being emotional as ever. They always get over it" Kenny argued

His dad sighed again, "the longer you try to keep this in, the longer you keep telling yourself that the worse you'll feel. Remember when grandpa died and I had to be mature and responsible about it because I had to organise the funeral and I had to comfort my sister, tell her everything would be ok? I felt so much better when I got home and I cried and accepted that he was gone and nothing was the same"

"Everything is the same! Everything is fine! Is that all you wanted to tell me?"

"yes" his dad nodded

"ok then, bye!" he ran out of the shops and down the streets. He found his way to Tyson's new house, where he lived with his mum. He rung the door bell.

"hello?" a strange lady answered the door.

"um…is Tyson home?"

"Oh! You must be one of his little friends. Dianna! Some one here to see Tyson" she called out and Tyson's mum appeared.

"hello Kenny" she said, she looked like she'd been crying.

"Hello ma'am, can I see Tyson?" he asked politely

"I'm sorry he's not here. He's run off. He's still upset about Rei. How are you?" she asked maternally.

"Well it's been a pain trying to re organise everything but it'll be fine. The team has never let anything get in the way before." He said cheerfully, "well I better get going. Have a good day ma'am"

Tysons mum stared as the cheerful child walked away.

Now Kenny was getting annoyed, how was he ever going to get the team organised if they were always running off! He walked slowly back home. There was no reason to hurry. Well he did have to work out some new surprise strategies to throw this years competition off. He couldn't wait to see them all back in action again. It would be the best season yet. Every year the opponents got more difficult to beat and the fun was winning despite all that. He sat down on the sidewalk, it would be ok. It was fine! Everything was fine! He had to believe that. He had to…

AN: so Kenny is less emotional and so I don't expect you all to be crying or anything but this is the way he's dealt with it. It's rather sad I think. He'll just keep telling himself it's fine meanwhile it'll eat away at him from the inside. He knows it wont be but he just keeps lying to himself. And while he acts this way he's putting a chasm between his friends and himself. I suppose the message is 'you have to accept things because lying to yourself doesn't solve anything'. I don't expect many people to like this chapter as its not particularly angsty and leaves you feeling a sort of nothingness but I really like it because of that and when you think about it Kenny is really someone to feel sorry for. I can see a few months from now when Mr. Dickinson says, 'kenny, there is no bladebreakers team!' he breaks down and cries….


End file.
